Saturday, November 27, 2010

sex therapy

When I was a young, hormonal teenager of about fourteen, I developed an interest in American literature which was mainly written by the author Harlequin.  At the time, I always had my nose in a book- and I was getting quite the education.  I can still remember one series about six individuals who had all gone to college together and then later hooked up in their thirties.  There were three novels in this series- one for each couple.  In those books, I learned how a man could completely undress his desired woman just by looking at her and then envision throwing her up on the dining room table and ravage her body right then and there in front of everyone.  Of course, this was all unbeknownst to the woman who was innocently trying to have a friendly conversation about the catch of the day from the local farmer's market.  But you just knew, that this little fantasy was simply a foreshadowing of things to come.
Whew hoo.

I had developed quite a stack of these novels until one day, I took a look at them and decided that they were nothing but trash.  You see, I had been raised up to be a good Mormon girl.  And frankly, if anyone had found out that I was reading such things, my "good girl" image would have been irrevocably tarnished.  Good mormon girls are to remain virgins until they are married.  They are to remain pure and clean so that they can one day marry in the temple in order to be sealed for time and all eternity to the one they love.  I was very goal oriented back then and considering that this was one of my goals, I let all of my boyfriends know it.  If they weren't on board with the idea of converting to mormonism, then they would have to jump ship.

I know. Fun.

Well, as it turned out, I did end up getting married in the Mormon temple (I told you I was goal oriented).  Not to anyone I had dated in high school, but to Mr. Hero, a returned missionary whom I happened to meet at my sister's wedding.  We hit it off pretty good, and three weeks after meeting the guy, we were engaged.  Four months later, we were married. (Of course you must understand the reason for this hurried engagement.  We were MORMONS.  We would NOT have sex with each other until our wedding day.  Anything longer than four months would have been disastrous- believe me).

Now, about the temple.  You can't even begin to understand how this "holy house of God" can put a damper on a couple's sex life.  For one thing, when you enter the temple for the first time, you take upon yourself covenants or promises that you make to God which will keep you clean from the world.  You have to purchase special white underwear which you are to wear both day and NIGHT in order to remember these covenants.  These "garments" as they are called, are in two pieces.  For the woman, the top garment is like wearing a capped sleeved camisole which she wears under her bra, and the bottom garment's hemline falls to the knees.  The men wear garments that are similar.  They have a t-shirt like top and bottoms that once again fall to the knees.  In the temple, you are instructed that you can remove the garments whenever you are doing any strenuous exercise or when you wish to be intimate with your spouse.  But this instruction all depends on the temple matron who happens to speak with you that day.  Considering that there are over a hundred temples all over the world, you could very well receive a different view point.  I know of several older couples who never received the instruction about being able to remove their garments during intercourse.  They had been married for over thirty years and had never seen each other unclothed.  Try imagining that one.

Most of the younger generation would never even consider this type of domestic "bliss".  The young brides have their names on the mailing list of Victoria's Secret and have plenty of lingerie to keep their husband's happy.  Most wouldn't even think about wearing their "sweet nothings" over their garments either- although I've heard of plenty of mormon women who have. If you are a "Molly Mormon", you don't get the Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail.  And as time goes on, you don't enjoy sex that much either.  I mean, the garment really isn't much of a turn-on, after all.  And the fact that you have to wear them all the time -  say goodbye to skin to skin snugging, even after intercourse.  Those garments must come right back on...  if you are a goody, goody Molly Mormon.

Which I was.  Until last year.

Mr. Hero and I started reading up on the church history that the church doesn't want anyone to know about.  What we discovered was that it was all a farce and that Joseph Smith was the instigator.  After a full month of continuous studying back an forth, we came to the conclusion that we couldn't be a part of such a corrupt organization and we resigned our membership a few months later.  This left us hanging on a ledge of uncertainty which was beginning to crumble really rapidly.

Over the past year, we have had to make some pretty major decisions about what to believe and how to live our lives.  It has been a year of firsts.  And lucky for us, we have had some very close friends who have stood by our side as we have tried to figure things out.

Which leads me right back to the Harlequin Romance novels I read when I was a kid.  You see, I've been such a straight arrow over the years, that I've read very little fiction.  Everything was about self improvement.  I know.  Fun, again.  So, I just happened to come across a book a year or so ago called, Sexual Healing by Barbara Keesling, PhD.

In this book she gives couples instruction on how to heal all kinds of sexual disfunction that might occur in a marriage.  It has been a wonderfully enlightening book that is humorous as well as informational.  One suggestion she recommends for women suffering from the "good girl syndrome" is to de-sensitize yourself.  Watch rated R movies and read those harlequins so that you can take the baby steps needed towards healing.

So, I'm following the advise of this good doctor.  I'm reading the Temptations of Savannah O'neill for my sex therapy and I must say that now that I am thirty-seven years old and reading this stuff, instead of fourteen, the experience is quite different.  For one, I'm reading this in bed to my husband before we turn out the lights for the night.  Second, not being the inexperienced virgin that I once was, the book is actually humorous instead of "educational".  However, I've only read the first twenty pages.  Maybe as I get further into this book the vivid description of Miss Savannah's temptations will lead to some temptations of my own... which will certainly make Mr. Hero happy.

And the Lady happy as well.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

we're off to see the wizard

Every other year the Missoula Children's Theatre makes it's way to our little hometown in PA.  This year Mr. Tailor, Mr. Reporter, and Mr. Cook decided to audition for a part, along with one hundred and twenty-five other children between the ages of 8 to 18.

This is how it works.  The kids endure a two hour audition on Monday night, after which the cast is announced that evening.  For some, this means that rehearsals will begin thirty minutes following the audition. Rehearsals continue every night from 4pm to 8:30pm until Saturday- which starts rehearsals at 9:30am.  There are two performances -one at 1:30pm and the other at 4:30pm.  And then they're done.  They bow to the audience, get their photo shots, and then turn in their costumes.
Fast and easy and a whole lot of fun.

This year, Mr. Tailor was cast as the Tin Man and Mr. Reporter was cast as The Professor and the Wizard of Oz.  Here are some of the pics:

The Tin Man asking the Wizard for a Heart

The Wizard- after being found out- having to 
explain himself

 some of the cast

from left: Glenda the Good Witch, the Tin Man, the Wizard,
the Lion, Dorothy, Toto, and the Doorkeeper to OZ.
The cast returning their costumes.  In this shot, the director is deodorizing all the 
hats before she puts them away for the batch of kids who will wear them next.
goofing off after a job well done

What's great about the Missoula Children's Theatre is that they are a touring group.  They travel all over the country and world providing kids with the opportunity to perform on stage.  I can't say enough about the positive aspects of theatre and what it does to build a child's confidence and self esteem.  So look for them in your hometown.  You might be surprised to find that they show up in your own back yard, too.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

saturday morning

We woke up this morning wanting to do something fun together as a family.  So we rounded up the four ninjas and hit the local diner to give the food a try.  City Line Diner in Paxtang just opened a few months ago and their reception has been well attended- which is good news for this little community.

The scrapple is the brown rectangular item in the middle of my plate. 
 The waitress said that it tastes best smothered in maple syrup.

I decided to give the scrapple a try.  For the past seven years, I've heard about this notorious Pennsylvania Dutch food and how it is "made from the bits and pieces of the pig not suited for anything else".  Mr. Hero couldn't believe I was going to order it (which I find rather surprising considering that this is the man who lived in South America and tried cow tongue, brian, head, intestine, and tail).  With our family veering a bit towards the food snob side of the spectrum when it comes to food quality, the thought of eating something just made of bits and pieces, really didn't sound like a well, sound, food choice.  However, many locals love the stuff.  Today, Pennsylvania was my South America and I was game.

The result?  Scrap the scrapple.
Don't like it.

But you might.  So here is a recipe that you could throw together in your kitchen if you have the time.


1 1/2 pounds ground pork sausage
1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
1 cup yellow cornmeal
1/8 tsp coarsely ground black pepper


1. Place sausage in a large, deep skillet.  Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown.  Drain and rinse in colander under cold water, breaking sausage into pea sized pieces.

2. Return to skillet along with the condensed milk, and heat over medium until just bubbling.  Immediately stir in the cornmeal and pepper and reduce heat to simmer.  Continue cooking, 5 minutes total; mush will be stiff.

3. Pack into 8x4 loaf pan, cover and chill overnight.  To serve, cut into 1/4 to 1/2 inch slices.

Source: Allrecipes

Or you might just want to head on down to your own local diner where the waitress calls you "honey" and smiles as you try the scrapple that even she would go for.

Friday, November 5, 2010

"knitting" up old ends

I have been working on a couple of projects over the last year that have finally managed to completely come off the needles.

Back in 2009, I came across this sock pattern called wildflower socks which is offered by the sweet lady of, who posts free patterns on Fridays.  This pattern caught my fancy and I started knitting it up in a scrumptious "pumpkin" fingering yarn from KnitPicks.  However, life got really busy and I found myself only managing to work on the socks twice a month at our local Stitch and Bitch.  Realizing that I would probably hit fifty at the pace I was taking, I had to resort to drastic measures.
I needed to SET A GOAL.
Which turned out to be October 31st ( I wanted to be able to wear my pumpkin socks on the pumpkin holiday).  And I am pleased to announce that I did.  Here is the proof.

Henri the Bear, is the second project that has been sitting on my bookshelf since summer.  He has been all knit up, however, there has been a slight little problem.  He's been naked.  And I don't know about you, but my little six year old didn't want to be playing with a naked bear.   So I had to fix that and knit him up a scarf.  Here is Henri... finally presentable.

This little guy was completely knit up with left over yarn from my stash.
He is very easy and quick to make.

Now,  I need to be off to more pressing matters of bedtime routine and  Old Yeller  story telling. 
Thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


after seventeen years of marriage... he still thinks I'm pretty.